Phoenix's Journal

10:57am: Update: I should do this more often
Well, Rafaël and I found an apartment. We'll probably be moving in next week, so I won't be around until we get our DSL hooked up. It's nice, near Sevres Lecourbe, about 25 sq meters, and furnished. It's walking distance from the Tombe du Napoleon, so when the weather finally warms up, I'll have a good place to walk over to and sit and read.

I still have to fix stuff at Legardinia from the last server screw up. Some of the images on the forums are out of whack, but, it's a PITA to go in and find out which templates got messed up. I'll probably do that when I get more time, though, since I've got a few other things I want to do there that take a while.

Our wedding plans are going okay. We're getting hung up on things like dresses for the bridesmaids and tuxes, but, I'll be ordering the invitations soon (in the next few weeks) so that will be out of the way. I still need to find out the floral policy at our reception site and we need to find someone to do music for us. The last few days, I've just been trying not to let the stress get to me, though I've failed on that a few times and just thought everything was going to hell in a handbasket.

Joined Kings of Chaos. I'm one of Doomgaze's little cretins. Go join. The link is in his livejournal. We will take over the world...or maybe just a tiny part of some small, eastern European country.

Oh, and in other news: for those who can't believe it, I can admit when I am wrong. It's annoying to have something I said in a fit of anger and didn't mean even when I said it come back to haunt me, but you do reap what you sew. It's just sad that, instead of coming to me directly, he felt he had to lay into someone who never had any involvement in that. But, life goes on. I apologized that night and I apologized again a few days ago. If he wants to continue to hold it against me, that's his decision. I won't make the same mistake though. Even if he makes me mad with this, when he calms down, I'll forget it happened. I haven't been the best about doing that in the past, but I'm going to try to be better about remembering the 'forgetting' part of 'forgive and forget' from now on.

Phoenix

10:21pm: 2002 in review
Well, it was actually a good year. The first really good year I've had in a while. So, here is 2002 in a brief review:

January
I spent New Year's Eve and New Year's Day in Washington DC with Rafaël. It was probably the best and the happiest New Year's that I have had in my whole life. A few days later, we had to go back, me to Mississippi and him to France. For the first time (a lot of firsts, n'est-ce pas?), I cried over having to be apart from a boyfriend. Right there in the middle of Dulles Airport too. I did not want to go back to Mississippi and to life without Rafaël there next to me. But, it all worked out for the best. I went back, got my passport, and started my final semester of college. I also had to get this laptop since Karla, my trusty old Linux box, finally bit the dust after a failed reinstallation of Windows. And people wonder why I harbor such resentment for MicroSoft.

February
I spent most of February looking for a way to get to France. I found a few programs, but nothing that was in Paris or was suited toward me. Most required Intermediate French courses whereas I 'wasted' my time taking Latin and Greek. I mostly concentrated on my coursework, turning in several papers early, and speaking with my professors about opportunities for a student of European history in Europe.

March
I had finally settled on just going to France for a few months to visit. I still hadn't found a course that suited me, so I thought I would just have to go over for the 90 days alloted me by my passport. But, it was 90 days I could spend with the love of my life in the second most important city on the planet, seeing the sites. Near the end of March I found the PERFECT program for me, so I started looking into applying for it and getting a student visa.

April
I started working with one of my professors in organizing his notes for a book he is writing on François I of France. I got a fair amount of the assignments due for May out of the way, spent a lot of time reading up on the history of France post-Revolution, laughing about the Franco-Prussian War of 1871, and hanging out with Laura. I went to the Pascha service at St. George's and Laura came with me, for all that she is Baptist. It was a lot of fun and I still think that the Orthodox Pascha service far surpasses any other religious service I have attended. Also, in April, I got notification that I could start finalizing my student visa. All was good with the world. And, last but not least, Rafaël turned 22.

May
I breezed through my finals without hardly any stress at all and graduated from Mississippi College with a Bachelors of the Arts in History. I said good-bye to Laura and to my favorite professor of all time, Dr. Eaves. If any of you ever go to MC, take one of his courses. It's worth it! I moved back into my parents' house and got all of my stuff sent off for my student visa. I spent a lot of time playing video games, a luxury I didn't allow myself when in school, reading, doing a little bit of writing, and daydreaming about my trip to France.

June
I spent the first several weeks of June in impassioned phone calls with the French Embassy over my student visa. For a while, it almost seemed like I would have to delay my trip to France for a few weeks. But, finally, everything fell into place and I boarded the plane and crossed the Atlantic. Rafaël met me at Aeroport Charles deGaulle and we've been inseperable ever since. I met his grandparents, wonderful people. I met some of his uncles and aunts and cousins. I learned that a few of his cousins are those 'typical French' that everyone has nightmares about. All in all, though, I spent most of my time seeing the sights of Paris and snuggling with Rafaël.

July
Rafaël and I went to St. Malo for a week. It was beautiful. I wouldn't mind living there. It's next to the Channel and has a constant breeze through it, not too rough and not too salty. We went up to see some of the D-Day Memorial museum and spent a lot of time just vegging out. It was heaven.

August
We went to St. Malo again for another week, and also went up to London for a few days. In London, we met Neil, who is so wonderful and nice that he almost completely makes up for how horrid that city is. Polluted, dirty, and just plain ugly. The hotel we stayed at was an absolute dive that cost me more than the three star hotel in DC did. Drunks wandered the street all night, arguing over 10£. We did see Tower Bridge and a few of the sights in Old London, which were nice. Rafaël and I celebrated our anniversary on the 10th and I turned 22 on the 26th.

September
Rafaël and I both started school. I began learning the French language in earnest. It was difficult, but not too much so what with all the Latin I had taken. The teachers were really nice and patient with all of us. The weather started to turn a bit chilly and Rafaël and I began to plan our trip to the States to visit my family. We got engaged officially and started planning the wedding.

November
My mother came over for a week and hated it. She is very American and just will never acclimate herself to another country. But, we did get the dress picked out and she did enjoy seeing some of the sites around Paris. But, the weather was too cold for her liking, so that was marked against France in her book. I still had school to deal with, as did Rafaël. My mother and I got the details of the wedding nailed down without too much fighting or too many tears.

December
Rafaël and I started looking into finding our own place to live and finalized our plans to visit my family for Christmas. I finished my school and he started Winter Break. I found a job. We flew over to the US and spent Christmas with my family, as well as having a big Announcement Party. I got to see several of my old friends again and showed Rafaël around Vicksburg. On December 30, we flew back here to France, crossing the dateline into the 31st. Our flight was fraught with interesting adventures (delays, missed connections, lost baggage), but overall, we made it back in good shape. We spent New Year's Eve with his friends and brought in 2003 just like we brought in 2002, with a kiss and an 'I love you.'

Phoenix

9:44pm: I am 1337 th13f
Your full name: Kelly Suzanne 'Phoenix Magdelena' Beard

Who named you? My parents, though I added 'Phoenix Magdelena' at my Chrismation.

Mom's name: Susan

Dad's name: Wayne

Birthday: August 26, 1980

Age: 22

Astrological sign: Virgo (Leo Descending)

Sex: Female

Sexual preference: Heterosexual

Grade: College graduate

School: Mississippi College

Ring size: 7 1/2

Height: 5' 2"

Hair length: Long

Hair color: Blonde

Eye color: Blue

Pierced: Just my ears

Job: Historian, writer, and civil rights advocate (gah)

Best quality in yourself: Uh...I can cook?

Your worst character traits: I'm could intimidate the devil himself.

Your definition of a friend: Someone I can talk to without having to treat them as if they are made of glass. Someone I can be perfectly frank with. Someone who can tolerate me. ;)

Your best physical feature: I have b00bs

Color you are most like: Blue

Celebrity you are most like: None. To work in the movie industry requires stupidity. I am not stupid.

If you were president, what would you do first? Arrest Ashcroft and then probably tell the UN where to go, how to get there, and what they can do upon arrival.

Which TV show would you like to star in? KILL YOUR TV. It teaches you to be stupid.

How long are you in the shower? 15 mins MAX.

What is your worst fear? Failing to achieve perfection when I know I can.

What CD is in your CD player right now? Nada.

What does your school look like? A building.

How many CD's do you own? Five.

How many people are on your buddy list? 33

What's something you do that pisses others off? That I'm intimidating.

Do you have any stuffed animals? Yes.

Do you have any bad habits? I smoke and I do not suffer fools gladly.

What are you thinking at this very moment? That it's unnaturally cold.

Are you a vegetarian? No.

Time you get up: Usually around 8, though I sit in bed reading or writing until 10 am.

Time you go to bed: Whenever I can drag Raf off of RO.

How many pillows: 1

TV show you wish they would bring back: STAR TREK!

Phrases you over-use: 'Does *insert job or political ideology* *require* a lobotomy? Or does it merely attract stupid people?'

Who do you want to be? Heh, I have a hard enough time being me. Do you think I'd be crazy enough to want to be someone else?

Can you dance? A little.

What do you do when you are bored? Think.

Do you like where you live? Yes.

Do you get along with your parents? Not too well, but yeah. Sometimes.

Do you love your parents? Yeah.

What bugs you about your parents? That they can't get it through their heads that I have changed since I was 12.

Do you look like your parents? Not really.

Do you look like any of your friends? Not at all.

Do you respect your teachers? Yes, of course.

Do you have a car? Not here.

What cartoon character would you be? Probably Deedlit from RoLW.

Most embarrassing CD in your collection: None. I only buy CDs if I intend to listen to them for several years.

Most prized possession: Three way tie: My engagement ring, a 5 F piece Rafaël gave me in DC last year, and my bunny rabbit doll that I've had since I was born.

You treasure most: Respect.

You hate most: Whining.

Something you are looking forward to: Getting married.

What are you doing this Friday? The usual. Going to French class, cooking, cleaning, etc.

What do you plan on doing in the next hour? Take a bath, smoke, read.

The best thing that has happened today: Getting to see Rafaël. :)

Your #1 obsession: Being perfect.

Phoenix

10:30pm: *steals more quizzes*

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid:	High
Schizoid:	Very High
Schizotypal:	High
Antisocial:	Low
Borderline:	Low
Histrionic:	Low
Narcissistic:	Low
Avoidant:	Moderate
Dependent:	Low
Obsessive-Compulsive:	Moderate
-- Click Here To Take The Test --

So, I'm nuts. This is news?


Take the 100 Acre Personality Quiz!

Oh goody...



Wyllius would be proud.

Phoenix

10:21am: *steals quizzes*

Where Did Your Soul Originate?
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What Goddess Of Beauty Are You?
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find your element
at mutedfaith.com.
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Interesting, no?

9:16pm: Update
Yeah yeah yeah, I keep saying I'll keep this thing up to date and then I bugger off and forget about it. Oh well, it's not like too many people really care, so meh.

Okay, things that have happened since I last posted.

My mother came to Paris. I should get a t-shirt that says 'I survived my mother coming to Paris to help with the wedding.' Guys, you are lucky. Gals, just wait. It'll be your turn soon enough. My mom came over on a Sunday (when everything is closed). The following Monday was Armistice Day. Guess what? Everything was closed. Now, she kept asking the same three questions that I have answered at LEAST a trillion times. (1) Did we have the church reserved? YES. WE'VE HAD THE FRIGGIN' CHURCH RESERVED SINCE OCTOBER. (2) Could we go look at dresses? YES. I HAD MADE AN APPOINTMENT AT A BRIDAL SHOP TWO WEEKS PRIOR TO HER COMING. (3) Did we have a reception room reserved? No. We were still waiting for an agency to contact us with rooms available on the date we'd set, for the prices we'd set, and meeting any specifications we desired.

After I FINALLY got that through her skull, then came the tough part. The waterworks. Now, I don't believe that crying is wimpy, but I do get very impatient with people who try to manipulate me with tears. That is usually the best way to get me to get REALLY angry. Thursday, when we went to a reception hall to look at rooms, she springs this 'you know only five people in your family are going to come,' bit on me. No. I didn't know that. I heroically refrained from calling bullshit when she said she'd 'tried to warn me.' So, I'm sitting there feeling suckerpunched because only FIVE of my fucking relatives are even going to try to show up. After I've been dragged to just about every major event in all of their lives, whether I wanted to go or not, no matter if I could afford to go or not, only five of my relatives are going to return the favor. Gee, I feel SO loved. Oh well, 'Le mouton noir un jour, le mouton noir toujours,' as I say in my extremely bad French.

So, then, when I'm trying not go get raging mad about this, she starts on those damned waterworks. I'm getting married in France. I'm going to live the rest of my life in France. I do NOT want to go back to the US*. Well, my mother starts up those waterworks because I don't want to fly back to the US for the wedding. Sorry, just guess that those several thousands of dollars in court fees to have the marriage validated in France aren't as big a barrier to her as they are to me. So, about this point, I'm ready to call the whole thing off and just send in the papers. Screw the wedding, screw the reception, it's not worth this kind of hassle.

Finally, she reluctantly agrees to go along with the wedding in France. At this point, I've given up having food, music, and probably room to move at the reception. I said I thought having a meal at the reception would be nice only to be told that I'm obsessed with food. *rolls eyes* And she wonders why I don't call home very often.

Finally, Saturday comes, and she flies back home. She swears that France is different than the US and that I won't be able to live here. I've been here since JUNE. The only difference I see is the frickin' LANGUAGE. France could be Louisiana it's so much like the US.

So, after going a week with someone lying to me to my face and not calling them on it, I think I should get some kind of award.

Oh, and I'd like to point out that I am currently amused by all the idiots who fell for the two Bush pics circulating around. If you couldn't tell the one with the book had been Photoshopped, you ought to be sterilized. You don't deserve to reproduce. And, on the one with the binocular covers still on, the same thing happened to Clinton. But then, you wouldn't dare criticize your fallen idol, now would you?

Ah well, everyone's a hypocrite (myself included) and the world makes about as much sense as a drunken two year old. So, nothing's changed.

Phoenix

*I do not want to subject my children to the US public indoctrinatio^W education system. I doubt I'd be lucky enough to find a school that had competent teachers. And, I do not particularly care to live in a country that demands its people become indentured servants to the corporations, sign away all of their rights to their corporate masters, and be nothing more than beasts of burden. I'm sorry, but I'd like to have a vacation without worrying about if I will still have a job when I get back. And, given that Americans are following the idiotic example of Europe in giving up all their rights for imaginary security, I really see no difference between the two. The whole world has lost it's damned mind. Oh well, what they say is true: 'Those who do not study history are doomed to repeat it and those who study it are doomed to know it's repeating.'

11:04am: Bah
I said I would keep this thing updated, and then I go off and forget to. Well, nothing of note has happened. Just routine wedding planning stuff. My mother is flying over here next week.

Oh, and someone on my Friend's list has done something to stretch the tables all out of whack. I dunno who or I'd tell them how to fix it. So, if you click on my friend's link, your browser is going to get stretched out. Sorry, nothing I can do about it.

Phoenix

10:20pm: Uh, so it's been a while
Yeah, I haven't had much time to update this thing. Well, let's see what's happened since I last updated...

Got in a fight with Bleys. I'm guessing we're no longer on speaking terms.

Started classes over here in France. Things are pretty cool with that. Except for when the prof forgets that we DON'T speak French well and starts rattling off at 10,000,000,000 miles per hour.

Fixed FFL and Legardinia.

Oh yeah. Rafaël and I are officially engaged. We'll be getting married in August 2003. So far, everyone is happy for us. :) I am having a lot of fun planning the wedding.

So, I've been a little busy. I'll try to keep this thing updated, but no promises.

Phoenix

6:36pm: I don't know why
I'm still here. Aside from FFL and Leg, I don't know why I even bother online anymore. All I ever get is crap. I seriously think CK has the right idea; just fade out. For the last five minutes, I've been debating whether or not to ask Rafaël to reban me at EoFF, delete my Utopia account, and delete this journal.

I have no real friends online anymore. Everyone else has better things to do. The people I used to love talking to now no longer want to talk to me. Or at least it sure feels that way. Chris has to work, which is understandable. BJM seems to hardly be able to stand the sight of me lately. Oh well. Zoloft and a good nap will help me deal with that. CK is just never around and when he is, the convos fall flat after three sentences. HPPH is never around.

I'm really starting to dread coming online. Words get shoved in my mouth, I get insulted, spit on, harassed. It's almost like 'make Phoenix feel like un sac de merde' is a new sport.

Oh well, I guess I'll just have to get used to it. Life is tough, and friends come and go. No one stays around forever. People change. I've changed. Everyone else has changed. It's just sad. But then, oh well. No use crying over spilt milk.

Phoenix

10:51pm: I stole this...
From Bleys.

Clicky clicky

Dimes to dollars that most of you don't do well, even if you've known me for years.

Phoenix

5:34pm: Why...?
I can't figure this one out. Really. It's astoundingly stupid.

Why is Christianity picked out as being the single most violent, hypocritical religion on earth? I'd think that Islam had that honor, no offense. Why does everybody remember the wars and violence in the Old Testament, but forget the wars, violence, sacrifices (human), and other 'nice' things found in the Qu'ran, the Elder Edda, the Edda, the Greco-Roman myths, the Baalic cycles, the Egyptian myths, the Hindu holy texts, etc?

Christians get blamed for the Crusades. Well, the Ottomans did kind of...CONQUER Byzantium (which was populated by Christians and was fairly peaceful until the Ottoman conquest). Funny how people forget that little detail. The Arabs had been sitting in what is now Saudi Arabia for centuries. Then, suddenly, they up and conquer all of Asia Minor, Greece, Macedonia, a good portion of Eastern Europe, all of North Africa, Spain, and only got beaten back by Charles Martel in France. Yeah. Everyone forgets that but boy do they remember the Crusades.

Christians all get blamed for Phelps. This nutcase cites Levitical Law when he's not following it himself and suddenly 'all Christians' have to be like him. Yeah...right.

I'm sure that El Nino is Christianity's fault too. Sure seems like some of you think that way and it is getting on my nerves.

Yes, Christians try to share their faith. It's a part of who we are and we want to share it with others, the same way that gamers want to talk about games. Yes, we would like you nonbelievers to believe. We really don't want to see you in a bad spot for all of eternity. God knows that not a day goes by that I don't pray that He will allow nonbelievers into heaven. I can feel tears welling up just thinking that some of the people I love more than anything may not be with me in the hereafter. But that decision to believe is between them and God.

Maybe I'm being cruel. Maybe my Protestant brothers and sisters are right and I should be out there witnessing and trying to get people to convert. They do what they do out of love for humanity, because it breaks their hearts to think that anyone would be in hell.

But...so many nonbelievers just don't understand. My Protestant brothers and sisters evangelize out of love. My Catholic brothers and sisters pray for others out of love. I and my Orthodox brothers and sisters pray that God will stay His judgements and that all will be in the kingdom out of love. But...we know that you do have to believe. You have to have faith. Hell, eternal seperation from the love of the God that people deny, is just the consequence of denying Him in life.

But still, even when we act in love, even when we leave everyone alone and stay off in our little corners of the world, keeping to ourselves, WE get blamed. If some nutcase bombs an abortion clinic, we get blamed. Some crazy Doomsday cult does something stupid, somehow, it's our fault. Israelis and Palestinians fight, and this is OUR fault. I've yet to see a newspaper article about the Hindus and the Chinese Communists executing, imprisoning, and slaughtering whole communities of Christians just because they are Christian. It happens, though. It's commonplace. Two priests are in prison in China, awaiting execution, just for being Catholic. Last month, four thousand men, women, and children were killed in Kashmir by the Hindus because they were Christian. Last week, over two thousand Orthodox Christians in the Middle East were killed as 'possible subversives.'

But Christianity is the most violent religion on earth. Right? The world will be perfect and peaceful as soon as 'my kind' are all dead. Right?

*sighs*

Phoenix

4:13pm: Confused...
I've got a friend who is doing something that I just...can't approve of. This person is doing something that goes against everything I believe is right. And, it confuses me. I'm not mad, and I am not going to get mad. I'm not upset, and I'm not going to get upset. But...I am confused. I don't know what to say, what not to say, so for now, I've decided to keep my fat yap shut on the entire deal.

I just keep wondering if I am wrong to do that, though. I'm half afraid this friend is cruising for a bruising and I don't know if I should throw up the foam rubber or just let them live and learn.

And no, it's not who you think it is.

Or is it?

No, it's not. ;)

Phoenix

1:29am: Much better
Well, the woman at the Christian MB apologized, so I feel a LOT better now. She thought I was saying one thing when I was saying another and the whole mess just turned into a big fight. Things are better now. I think I'll be able to sleep tonight.

And, I'm dating the most wonderful, patient, caring man on the planet. How he can stand being around me when I get like I have been today is beyond me. He has the patience of a saint. I am SO lucky to have him.

In other words, things are really looking a lot better tonight.

Phoenix

3:04am: UGH!
I hate people. I really do. Today has sucked. And that's an UNDERSTATEMENT. The only thing to go right today is that Rafaël and I got back from England. England would be great, if only there weren't English people there.

Then, I come back and get online. I check out a Christian MB I've been going to only to find out that one of the members there has no sense of humor and is a self righteous hypocrite. Guess what, girl, I may have screwed up and cast the first stone, but you're gonna have to show me book, chapter, and verse of where you get off casting a second. Or are you God this week? *rolls eyes* I'm really beginning to LOATHE Western Christians.

But that's not all. I go to another MB only to find out that someone who has never bothered to crack a Bible and has gotten all his information about Christianity from the boob tube saying that he knows more about my religion than I do. So, instead of reading the Gospel and finding out all about false prophets being shown by their fruits, Christians being commanded to love everyone and to take the high road morally, gentiles not being held to the Mosiac covenant, and so on and so forth (I really could go on forever on this one because there were SO many mistakes and misconceptions in the post), he just rambles off a bunch of garbage. I figure that even if I went through and point by point debunked his myths, I'd get in trouble.

And then, the guy I usually have long 'the world sucks and I wish people would actually read about a religion and what it really teaches' discussions isn't around. So, I have no one to vent with about how much people suck for not even READING the Bible before they bash it. *growls* And I don't dare talk to half of the people I know online about it because they are just as bad about being all against the Bible and Christianity. I don't really relish a fight with some of my friends.

So, recap, today has sucked worse than a Microsoft Fan, I'm so upset that I can't go to sleep, and I just want to curl up and cry because I can't win for losing. I get chewed up one side and then down the other.

Jeez, I wish I could just go live off by myself for a while and not have to deal with the world.

Phoenix

7:33pm: I wish I could take over the world
Because, by God, I would do it RIGHT. None of this slave trading crap that goes on in the US. World wide campaign finance reforms. No more Senators from Disney. No more stupid IP laws that lock up innovation and creativity for generations. The rich and the poor would have equal access to justice. I'd recodify the laws so that they say what they mean. No more crap like outlawing De Beers for their HORRENDOUS violations of human rights only to sell their bloodbought diamonds in stores. No more blockades on free speech and thought.

I am getting SO sick of the state of the world right now. Vast injustices go on day in and day out and NO ONE seems to care. The US does a lot to cause these problems, but the EU has been turning a blind eye to them for far longer. Communism isn't the way to go and Capitalism is reaching its far extreme. There is no justice. No equality. A rich CEO can steal from the vaults of those who can least afford to lose what they have and nothing happens. A starving man can steal a loaf of bread and goes to jail. That is not right. Both are theft. If one goes free, both should. If one goes to jail, both should. Caste, class, wealth level, skin color, education is NOT relevant. The crimes are identical. The punishments should be too.

It's easy to say 'there shouldn't be slavery' when talking about the tribal slavery in Africa. But if you say that, then why on God's Green Earth are you not railing against the corporations that force their employees to sign contracts that amount to indentured servitude? Why the double standard?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm not the first 21 year old to say that the world is going to hades in a handbasket, and I won't be the last. But why doesn't anyone see the hypocracy and the doublespeak that goes on and then help me DO something about it? Why do people over 35 write me off as an idealistic kid while people my own age show an apathy towards things like this that goes beyond practiced?

Ugh. I do wish I could take over the world. As soon as everything was fixed, I'd resign and put myself in an asylum because the pressure would have driven me mad.

Phoenix

6:05pm: One year ago today...
Rafaël and I started our relationship!

It's been a great year. I never thought I would be in a relationship this long and I never thought I would love someone this much. He really is the greatest guy on earth.

Also, today, I get to send an email to a Uraguay (sp?) ISP. Go me! Some little punk from there decided he would threaten to break into our site. Well, newsflash. That's illegal and I fully intend to get his connection jerked for threatening and, if he tries it, I will be pressing charges right along with the corporation that owns the server.

This will be fun.

Phoenix

9:27pm: Oysters am goal
But I hate shelling them. Today, Rafaël and I got a dozen oysters, still in the shell (the only way you can find them here), brought them back here, and spent close to an hour opening the shells. He cut his hand once and I almost punched a whole in my hand with the oyster knife.

But still, they were delicious and I am just crazy enough to probably do it all over again. I like oysters.

Phoenix

7:27pm: *sighs*
We lost a member today at FFL. I don't mean someone left the site, though. I mean she died. Right now, Coach is trying to figure out what to do to keep Harmony's memory going and I am looking for a way to try to help out her family. Everyone seems pretty depressed about what happened. There is a thread about it in Gen Chat started by her friend Seraphim. I don't really feel like rehashing it over here.

*sighs* And Harmony was only 16.

Phoenix

8:20am: Going out of town for a week
Rafaël and I are going to Saint Malo for a week, so don't freak out if you don't hear from me. I'm not dead or anything, just away.

Phoenix

7:28pm: Another Good Day
Rafaël and I beat FFVII just a few minutes ago. Beating it gave me a great idea for my own RPG...but I'm not gonna tell j00 just yet! *g* Don't cry, though. I'll tell you later...maybe...

And Wyllius posted in my journal! I looked over at his (which hasn't been updated in a while) and took another quiz, this one about what creature from the World of Darkness one is.

I'm a Changeling. Go me.

Take the World of Darkness Quiz
by David J Rust

Phoenix

12:12am: *g* Good day today!
Today was a really great day. Rafaël's cousin David was acting nice today instead of making a lot of racket and his friend Oliver and I had the First Real Conversation About The Difference Between The US and France that didn't make me feel like I was being blamed for everything the US does since I got here (convos with Rafaël notwithstanding). Then, while playing FFVII (since Rafaël has yet to beat a single FF game), I managed to get all three special Chocobos in one day. So, tomorrow, I get to get the Gold Chocobo.

Plus, it was quiet today. A nice peaceful day where I didn't feel so alienated and isolated from everyone. I hope there are more days like this.

Phoenix

8:14pm: *weeps* I wanna play too!
Rafaël plays this game called Utopia. It is really cool and I'd like to join it, but there aren't any openings for new players.

*weeps* I wanna play!

Phoenix

2:44pm: Meh
I wish Rafaël's cousin would go a few days without having a party here. Every time he has one, my teeth get set on edge and the noise drives me crazy. And, on top of that, I usually wind up having to clean up after it the next day.

The living room has begun to stink. It smells like marijuna and body odor. If I want to sit in there for very long, I will have to fumigate it just so it's inhabitable again.

I guess I wouldn't mind the parties so much except that Rafaël and I always get exiled to the back of the apartment. And, you can only play around online so much and read the same books so many times before you start to go nuts. Whenever his cousins are around, we can't watch TV or play Final Fantasy or even just sit in the living room and talk.

And, don't suggest trying to join these parties. First off, neither of us are dopeheads. Second, I don't like being interrogated for everything Bush does. The man does NOT call me up to discuss policy. I wish he would because then the US's policies might make some sense.

It is really only David that bugs me. Typhan, I can deal with. And I think she knows that I am a little upset at being dragged into a room with six people and bombarded with conspiracy theories (no plane at the Pentagon? Then where on Earth did the fuselage and passenger seats come from? Mars?) And, when she has friends over, they aren't loud and they don't break things. So far, in the two weeks that Rafaël's grandparents have been gone, David has broken a wooden chair and a table. If this keeps up, there may not be an apartment left for his grandparents to return home to. And David has had these loud dopehead parties EVERY FRICKIN NIGHT. The noise keeps us from sleeping until around 3 or 4 in the morning, so we wake up around noon or after. Having to clean up behind it all after David and his friends leave keeps us here until about 4 pm or so. By that time, neither of us wants to go see the sights, the entire reason I came to Paris.

I just wish he would go on and move to Lyon. Of course, if he acts this way at his girlfriend's place, she'll kick him to the curb.

I just wish he had some respect for the rest of us here. David acts like he owns this apartment and that the rest of us should just bend over and accept whatever he does. It is wearing on all of us.

I wish I could treat him like I would treat someone in the South who acted this damned self-absorbed and savage. But, he wouldn't understand it and I would just get more of the "intolerant puritannical American" bullshit.

*sighs*

Phoenix

12:26am: Tell me all your thoughts on God
There is a religion thread at FFL and, surprisingly enough, it is turning out to be really interesting. So, last night, Rafaël and I were talking about God and religion and Nature until about 4 am. We had some pretty interesting insights about the nature of the Universe, the Natural Laws that govern it, even the different dimensions. I could go into detail about what we talked about, but it would take AGES to type it all out. So, instead, why don't the two of you reading tell me what *you* think? *g*

Phoenix

2:34pm: *wishes for the Sun to come out*
It's been cloudy and rainy since I got here! I spend most of my life wishing I was in Europe so I could see things, and when I finally get here, the Sun hides and it is *COLD*

*cries* Monsieur Sol, pour quoi enfouris-tu?

Phoenix